1
00:00:03,204 --> 00:00:05,606
Okay, everybody, gather round.

2
00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:08,509
Who knew it was "bring
your girlfriend to work" day?

3
00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:12,380
She is not my girlfriend.

4
00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:13,781
Judy is a cpr doll,

5
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:17,351
and the hardest-working girl
in this diner.

6
00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:21,655
Oh, han, you shouldn't bring
your sex doll out in public.

7
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:25,659
This is not my girlfriend
or sex doll!

8
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,395
Earl, come over.

9
00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:29,797
We're going to use Judy
to learn how to resuscitate.

10
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:32,533
I have a "do not resuscitate"
clause,

11
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:35,803
as in,
i do not resuscitate others.

12
00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:37,371
Oleg.

13
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:38,539
What's up, han?

14
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:40,040
Oh, hey, Judy.

15
00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:44,378
How do you know Judy?

16
00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:48,549
With a torso like that,
she gets around.

17
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:51,119
Okay, I will demonstrate.

18
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:52,453
Oh, no!

19
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:55,556
Judy's choking on something!

20
00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:58,326
Well, we know it's not you.

21
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:02,230
First you have to tilt
the head back

22
00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:04,432
and clear the airway and blow.

23
00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:05,699
[Gasps]

24
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,368
Oh, Max, I think
we're witnessing

25
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:10,538
his first kiss.

26
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:13,541
Fourth, thank you very much.

27
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:16,444
Han, why are you wasting
your time kissing her?

28
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:17,645
She doesn't have any arms.

29
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,380
Just go for it.

30
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:25,153
(peter bjorn and John)
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

31
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:26,687
[cash register bell dings]

32
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:30,424
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh *

33
00:01:36,397 --> 00:01:38,566
what's up, everybody?
Big day today.

34
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,834
Not as big as Christmas,
but still marks the arrival

35
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:44,438
of someone very blessed: Me.

36
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:45,439
Yeah, we get it.

37
00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:46,774
You talk about your birthday

38
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:50,578
more than kanye west
talks about kanye west.

39
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:53,581
Caroline, I thought
you would be crying.

40
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,749
Tears on your birthday
have become as expected

41
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:59,453
as an ex-Disney star going
to rehab.

42
00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:01,222
Why would I be sad?

43
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:03,624
I have my health,
a business that's budding...

44
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:06,894
Boobs that aren't.

45
00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:08,829
I don't believe in birthdays.

46
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:10,898
You're only as old as you feel.

47
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:13,267
Which makes me
nothing years old.

48
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:17,638
Speaking of nothing...

49
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:20,708
Caroline, are we still on
for two boots pizza tonight?

50
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:23,611
I'm closing the diner early
in honor of your birthday,

51
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,346
and just not because the city

52
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:28,782
has demanded to look into
the black mold situation.

53
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,651
Absolutely, han.

54
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,520
You can have one slice
with two toppings

55
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,322
or two slices with one topping,

56
00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:35,856
and my birthday cake
is a free flan

57
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:38,726
'cause I flirted
with the dishwasher.

58
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,761
Caroline, sweetheart,
if I was you,

59
00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:44,265
I would just put my head
through a plate glass window.

60
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,269
Okay, everybody.

61
00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:50,804
I have two announcements,
both good news.

62
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:53,774
First, the guy who found
the beak in his sandwich

63
00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:57,511
is not suing, and second,

64
00:02:57,545 --> 00:03:01,715
I'm gonna pop the question
to Sophie.

65
00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:04,184
Well, you've already popped
everything else.

66
00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:08,222
What do you think?

67
00:03:08,256 --> 00:03:10,358
They say diamonds
are a girl's best friend.

68
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:11,492
Oh, really?

69
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:12,860
I thought a girl's best friend

70
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:14,762
was someone
just a little fatter than her.

71
00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,631
It was my grandma's from Russia.

72
00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:19,433
I had my cousin svela swallow it

73
00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:21,569
to bring it to America.

74
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:25,205
She passed customs,
then she passed this.

75
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:30,878
Five, six rinses later, boom!

76
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:32,480
Doody free.

77
00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:39,253
Well, I guess that's better
than getting it at Kay.

78
00:03:39,287 --> 00:03:40,721
Is Sophie expecting it?

79
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:41,722
Of course.

80
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:43,023
She doesn't like surprises

81
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,892
since her family barn
was torched

82
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,895
by a mentally unstable farmhand.

83
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:51,799
Hi, I have a delivery
for Caroline Channing

84
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,267
from Martin Channing.

85
00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:54,678
Oh, it's a birthday gift
from my daddy

86
00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:55,769
all the way from prison.

87
00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:57,004
Last year, he made me

88
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:59,873
a macaroni art picture frame.

89
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:02,410
I mean,
the man once rented Miami

90
00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:05,379
for a friend's bachelor party.

91
00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:09,283
Hey, that picture frame
fed us for two days.

92
00:04:09,317 --> 00:04:10,694
Yeah, well,
this thing is not pasta,

93
00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:12,853
and it's too big
to fit through the door.

94
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:15,756
And so was i three months ago.

95
00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:17,358
No, really.

96
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:20,728
My seat on an airplane
used to be row three.

97
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:27,468
There it is in the street.

98
00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:29,603
A condom full of hamburger meat?

99
00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:30,804
Oh, my god.

100
00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:32,840
Is that a lamborghini?

101
00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:34,041
Wait.

102
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:36,344
Is that my lamborghini?

103
00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:40,848
Yeah, it's a lamborghini
aventador roadster.

104
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,416
Wow.

105
00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:45,819
Prison arts and crafts
has gotten pretty fancy.

106
00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:49,089
Well, it takes four years for
these cars to be custom-made.

107
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,824
This one was ordered in 2011.

108
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,660
That's right,
my father ordered this for me

109
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:54,362
when he still had money.

110
00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:57,798
Correction: When he had
everyone else's money.

111
00:04:57,831 --> 00:05:01,935
All my father ever gave me
was that one iffy chromosome.

112
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,704
Well, here you go.

113
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:06,374
It's all yours.

114
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:07,408
I'm gonna walk home.

115
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:09,477
It's all about healthy choices.

116
00:05:11,579 --> 00:05:13,614
[Both squealing]

117
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:15,583
I got a car!

118
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:17,751
We got a car!

119
00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:30,097
Damn, someone painted
the Batmobile white.

120
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:33,567
Can't we have anything?

121
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:39,072
That's a $450,000 sports car.

122
00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:40,608
I know.

123
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:42,476
Add a stackable washer/dryer
and a motor home,

124
00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:45,579
and it's like Caroline won
the showcase showdown.

125
00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:49,417
It goes from 0 to 100
in 2.9 seconds.

126
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:50,718
And speaking of seconds,

127
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:51,995
I'm getting seconds
at two boots,

128
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:54,488
and that rich bitch is paying.

129
00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:57,725
Back off, Tokyo drift.

130
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:03,597
This is our getaway car.

131
00:06:03,631 --> 00:06:06,800
And by that,
i mean get away from it.

132
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:09,937
You know, a car like this
depreciates 50%

133
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,172
the minute you drive it
off the lot.

134
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:15,543
That's why I drive
my Toyota yaris.

135
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,879
Ooh la la.

136
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:22,583
[Gasps]
Is p. Diddy here?

137
00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:25,853
Wait a minute.
Is it Ted Turner?

138
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,488
No one cool owns it.

139
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:29,022
It's Caroline's.

140
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,824
Now, this is the kind of car

141
00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:34,428
that I would say yes
to anything in.

142
00:06:34,462 --> 00:06:38,832
Anything excepts tickets
to menopause the musical.

143
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:43,036
Oh, hey, Caroline.
Nice car.

144
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,938
I always liked you
more than Max.

145
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:47,775
You know that, right, girl?

146
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:49,076
Really?

147
00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:50,811
'Cause yesterday,
i heard you yell to Max,

148
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:53,781
[imitating sophie]
"Is Caroline turning 47 or 48?

149
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:57,651
'Cause she acts like she's 65."

150
00:06:57,685 --> 00:07:00,053
Yeah.

151
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:04,024
Yeah, I wanted to know what
to write in your birthday card.

152
00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:06,494
Well, everyone
away from the car.

153
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:07,804
I just got off the phone
with my dad.

154
00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:09,630
The car is being seized
in the morning.

155
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,932
Turns out they won't let me
keep my present.

156
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:13,209
It's just like
my eighth birthday

157
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:16,804
when they made me return
mccaulay culkin.

158
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:25,546
They bought you a boy?

159
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,915
You were rich.

160
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:31,552
Oh, boy, the car's right here,
and you can't even use it.

161
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:34,822
That's like me having you two
for waitresses.

162
00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:41,962
Caroline, can I ask you a favor?

163
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,965
You're not using the car
to propose to Sophie.

164
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,834
You heard how much she liked it.

165
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:49,570
And it's a little bit classier
than my original plan:

166
00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:52,706
Dinner and a cock fight
in yonkers.

167
00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:54,975
Not that I'm listening,

168
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:59,613
but I'm not gonna get
proposed to at a gay bar.

169
00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:03,851
Great, now my gay bar idea
is out also.

170
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:05,285
No, Oleg.

171
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,521
I can't return the car
with scratches, dents,

172
00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:10,758
or chlamydia.

173
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,526
But we can still drive it,
right?

174
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,828
I mean, I've been on that cream
for like a month.

175
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,936
Max, what is the ninth rule
of the lamborghini club?

176
00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:25,606
No red drinks in the car.

177
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,541
Here's my number one rule:

178
00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:29,142
If you're going to make me
sleep in it,

179
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,745
I am going to drink in it.

180
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:33,046
Well, just be careful.

181
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,615
I only have one clorox wipe

182
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,750
that has to last
till my next birthday,

183
00:08:36,784 --> 00:08:39,052
and it's already lost
a lot of its moisture.

184
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:44,091
I don't see
why we have to just sit here.

185
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:45,292
We can't drive it.

186
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,094
My dad said
if anything happens to it,

187
00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:48,328
we'll be responsible.

188
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:49,897
What could possibly happen

189
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:53,634
on a weed run to deep Tijuana?

190
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,202
You know, I wish
this car never came,

191
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:56,904
and I wish I never sat in it.

192
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,706
It's the same reason
i don't go to barneys.

193
00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:01,274
I don't like to be around things
i can't afford anymore.

194
00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:04,645
Same reason I don't go
to the 99 cent store.

195
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,079
There's a nerf tennis set

196
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:08,315
half on the floor,
half in the bin,

197
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:11,351
none of it going home with me.

198
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:14,121
I was trying to be positive
about my birthday this year,

199
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,890
but, Max, if things
hadn't happened with my father,

200
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:19,059
tonight would have been
a magical birthday for me.

201
00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:20,828
Hey, there was some magic.

202
00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:24,798
I personally made
five vodka sprites disappear.

203
00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:26,867
Ta-da!

204
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,603
I would've got in the car
and driven out to the Hamptons,

205
00:09:29,637 --> 00:09:31,304
and we'd sit on the beach
all night

206
00:09:31,338 --> 00:09:33,607
having lobster caught by
one of the townies

207
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:36,777
and drink champagne
while taking duckface selfies

208
00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:38,311
till the sun came up.

209
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:44,117
Fyi, I'm the townie
in this scenario,

210
00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:46,186
and I hate all of you.

211
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:49,623
Instead of doing any of that,
I'm having the worst birthday.

212
00:09:49,657 --> 00:09:51,134
I probably feel worse
than Demi Moore did

213
00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:54,294
when she turned 50.

214
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,897
Yes, just go to sleep.

215
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:59,232
You'll feel better tomorrow
when you wake up.

216
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,968
I mean, if that guy
with the switchblade

217
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,970
doesn't come back
like he promised he would.

218
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,044
Caroline.

219
00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:12,245
Caroline, wake up.

220
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:15,215
[Water crashing]

221
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:16,316
We're at the beach.

222
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:20,020
I drove us out to the Hamptons.

223
00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:22,389
Happy birthday!

224
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:26,994
We're in the Hamptons?

225
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:30,664
[Shouting]
We're in the Hamptons?

226
00:10:30,698 --> 00:10:32,700
How are we in the Hamptons?

227
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,401
How long have I been sleeping?

228
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:36,236
Three hours, give or take.

229
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:39,006
You farted twice.

230
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:40,908
How did I not wake up?

231
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,876
I know.
It was pretty bad.

232
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:49,649
After that last one, I thought
we were going through egg town.

233
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:52,720
Max, you did it again.

234
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:54,321
You roofied me, didn't you?

235
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,757
Of course I did.

236
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:59,126
You were crying
and babbling about the Hamptons,

237
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,428
so I had to put you down.

238
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:03,797
You promised you wouldn't again.

239
00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:05,933
The last time,
i was out for two days.

240
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:08,301
Yeah, I really just needed
to get through game of thrones

241
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:11,671
without someone
talking during the incest.

242
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:16,143
What is wrong with you?

243
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:19,079
Have you got a pen and paper?

244
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,048
You knew I didn't want
to do this.

245
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:24,417
You never want to do anything,
so I did it for you.

246
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:27,921
You took a $450,000 car,

247
00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:31,324
a car we're not even
supposed to be touching,

248
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,794
on a joyride to the Hamptons?

249
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:37,164
You wanted to be here.

250
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,198
You are here.

251
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:39,332
Just enjoy it.

252
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:42,269
I can't enjoy it.

253
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,172
Scotty to the bridge.

254
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,373
This is captain kirk.

255
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:47,975
Scotty to the bridge.

256
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:55,215
You drove over the dunes
and onto the beach?

257
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:57,350
Not intentionally.

258
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,419
I tried to stop it,
but this car was like,

259
00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:01,188
"mm, no, girl."

260
00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:05,225
Oh, my god.

261
00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,761
Did it get any scratches?

262
00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:11,331
Max, get out of the car,
and help me look for scratches.

263
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:15,836
You said you were more fun
in the Hamptons.

264
00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:17,971
Not true.

265
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:23,043
Mr. sulu,
fire all phasers.

266
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,946
No scratches.
The lamborghini is fine.

267
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:29,082
But thanks to you,
I'm a rent-a-wreck.

268
00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:34,221
Come on, we have to get
this car back.

269
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:35,989
We will.
Jeez, relax.

270
00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:37,190
We still have time.

271
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:39,459
Look, you said
you wanted to be here.

272
00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:41,228
You're here,
and we are not leaving

273
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,495
till you do something beach-y,

274
00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:44,497
like walk in the water

275
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:49,069
or find a half-eaten lady
from jaws.

276
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,371
No. No way.
Let's go.

277
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:52,548
Just take off your shoes
or something.

278
00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:54,107
No.

279
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:55,843
Just take off your shoes
and feel the sand.

280
00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:57,010
Max! Max, stop.

281
00:12:57,044 --> 00:12:58,879
I haven't had a proper pedicure

282
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:01,081
since Justin Timberlake
released a single.

283
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,817
There.
Now move your foot around.

284
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:05,085
No.

285
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,020
No. No! No.

286
00:13:07,054 --> 00:13:08,388
Oh. Oh, yeah.

287
00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:11,091
That feels nice.

288
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,026
The cold sand between my toes.

289
00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:14,361
But, Max, don't look.

290
00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:16,396
That middle nail's
a horror show.

291
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:17,831
Too late.

292
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:22,035
I thought it was a pistachio
for a second.

293
00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:24,537
Max, how much do you love
the beach?

294
00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:26,907
I don't know.
I've never been to one.

295
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,575
You've never been to a beach?

296
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:30,277
No. What's the point?

297
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,145
I don't own a metal detector.

298
00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:37,184
Well, time's up.

299
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:38,886
But we just sat down.

300
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,320
I know, but if we leave
right now,

301
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:42,322
we'll still have enough time to
blow through

302
00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:43,924
a McDonald's drive-through

303
00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:46,994
like something from
back to the future.

304
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,996
Well, I'm gonna write
our names in the sand

305
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:50,463
'cause it was
a really nice thing

306
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,132
for you to drug me, kidnap me,

307
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:55,002
and steal my car
to get me out here.

308
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:58,371
Hey, we're friends.

309
00:13:58,405 --> 00:14:00,607
All right, I'll just
turn this baby around.

310
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:04,611
[Engine revving]

311
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:05,845
Uh-oh.

312
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,417
What's "uh-oh"?

313
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:13,286
What is "uh-oh"?

314
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,555
Are we stuck in the sand?

315
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:20,493
You have correctly identified
the meaning of "uh-oh."

316
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,362
I love that we don't need
full sentences

317
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,998
to communicate anymore.

318
00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:33,306
Try it again.

319
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,976
[Engine revving]

320
00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:36,977
Nope.

321
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:38,311
I've had less trouble

322
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:40,247
getting out of
athlete's apartments.

323
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,249
Well, you're gonna have to
get out and push.

324
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,984
Why do I have to push?

325
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:46,987
Because you're the one
who drugged me, kidnapped me,

326
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:48,155
and stole my car.

327
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:49,990
Exactly.

328
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:52,425
I've already done
the lion's share of the work.

329
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:54,427
And it's our car.

330
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:56,029
Fine, I'll do it.
[Engine stops]

331
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,034
Door's up, lieutenant uhura.

332
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:04,637
It stopped being funny
when we got stuck.

333
00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:06,406
God, don't worry.

334
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,208
I got a 600-pound woman

335
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,081
out of a booth at the diner
with my bare hands.

336
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,511
I'm fearless.

337
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:15,949
Toss her in neutral
like I did with that lady.

338
00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:18,185
Sand and heels.
Not a good combo.

339
00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:20,988
Not a good combo.
Not a good combo.

340
00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:23,356
Oh, all right.

341
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:25,558
All right.

342
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:26,559
I'm gonna floor it.

343
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:27,961
[Engine revs]

344
00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:28,996
On the count of three.

345
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:30,630
One, two...

346
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:33,666
[Engine revving]

347
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:43,210
I got excited.
I went early.

348
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:46,713
If I had a dime
for every time I heard that,

349
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:48,615
I could buy this car.

350
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,550
All right, let's try again.

351
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:52,352
One, two...

352
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:55,455
[Engine revving]

353
00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:07,034
[Coughs]

354
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,502
Okay, that was on purpose.

355
00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:12,372
A little bit.

356
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,740
I can't believe it.

357
00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:15,508
I can't believe
that I can't believe it,

358
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:17,744
but I really can't believe it.

359
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:19,479
We are in very big trouble,

360
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:22,715
and we're not even in
the good Hamptons.

361
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:25,485
I was trying to do
something nice.

362
00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:28,588
First time, last time.

363
00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:30,490
You know what you are?

364
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:32,192
You are reckless.

365
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:34,094
You know, all this time,

366
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:37,064
I thought you were
a ride or die kind of bitch.

367
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:42,635
I am a ride or die
kind of bitch.

368
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:44,537
What's a ride or die
kind of bitch?

369
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:50,477
Are you googling
"ride or die kind of bitch"?

370
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:54,281
I would be,
but I only have two bars.

371
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:55,282
[Sighs]

372
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:58,051
Look, we have two options:

373
00:16:58,085 --> 00:17:01,788
Get the car out of the sand,
or let the tide take us.

374
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,723
Put a pin in that tide thing,

375
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:06,426
'cause I like the sound of it.

376
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,637
We barely have enough time to
get this car back to the city,

377
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:11,164
or we owe $450,000.

378
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:15,602
And I only have $3,
and 2 of it's in nickels.

379
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:17,204
Now get in the car.

380
00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:18,805
You're hoarding nickels,

381
00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:23,243
and I'm walking out of
the 99 cent store empty-handed?

382
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:25,778
Now I'm mad.

383
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,614
Get ready.

384
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:29,149
What are you doing?

385
00:17:29,182 --> 00:17:30,783
I'm pushing us out of here.

386
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:32,752
[Engine turns over, revs]

387
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:37,224
Because I'm a ride or die
kind of bitch!

388
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:39,592
I think.

389
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:40,827
[Grunts]

390
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:41,828
Now hit it!

391
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:45,064
[Engine revving]

392
00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:54,474
What'd you do?
Fart us out of the ditch?

393
00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:58,411
Seriously, Caroline, step on it.

394
00:17:58,445 --> 00:17:59,812
No, Max.

395
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:01,714
We can't risk
getting into an accident.

396
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:05,118
What if it's not fatal?

397
00:18:05,152 --> 00:18:08,321
Driving a lamborghini slow
is like going to red lobster

398
00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:10,857
and not getting
the cheddar bay biscuits.

399
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:13,293
Come on, we got to enjoy
this car while we can.

400
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:14,794
Hit the gas.
All right.

401
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:17,330
I'll take it up to the top
of my age dating window.

402
00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:18,798
40.

403
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:20,733
And I'll take it
to the top of mine.

404
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,169
80!
[Engine revving]

405
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:23,336
Let go. Have some fun.

406
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:24,604
No, don't push on my leg!

407
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:26,673
Don't push on my...
[Screaming]

408
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:27,874
[Laughing]

409
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:29,742
Yes! Yes!

410
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,212
Best birthday ever!

411
00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:33,880
Should we Thelma and Louise it?

412
00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:36,216
You mean drive over a cliff?

413
00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:39,219
No, I mean wear sunglasses
and hold hands.

414
00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:40,420
They drive over a cliff?

415
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,788
I never saw the end.

416
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:54,167
There they are.

417
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:56,403
Did you girls get the car back
in time this morning?

418
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:58,705
Yep, just in time,
thanks to Caroline.

419
00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:00,573
She was ignoring
speed limit signs

420
00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:03,843
like she does homeless people.

421
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:05,445
A state trooper called
my driving

422
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,914
criminally negligent.

423
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:10,250
I was so proud.

424
00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:11,651
I might've even
gotten emotional,

425
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,396
but I had to talk our way
out of the ticket,

426
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:15,388
and I like to be professional
when my shirt's off.

427
00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:17,190
[Chuckles]

428
00:19:17,224 --> 00:19:18,858
You didn't get a ticket?

429
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:22,862
Yesterday, I got arrested for
just walking into whole foods.

430
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:25,698
I can't believe
i still have sand in my hair.

431
00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:27,743
If the only place you still
have sand is in your hair,

432
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:29,302
you're lucky.

433
00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:32,439
I'm about to make a Pearl
down there.

434
00:19:34,441 --> 00:19:37,176
Oh, hey, there,
destitute Barbie.

435
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:40,880
Sorry you lost the dream car.

436
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:43,616
Anyway, I'll be in my booth.

437
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:48,888
Sophie, beautiful baby,

438
00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:51,358
I've narrowed down
the site of my proposal

439
00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:52,759
to three options:

440
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,961
A, the place we met;

441
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:58,965
b, the place we've had sex
most often;

442
00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:02,902
or c, the place we've had sex
most recently.

443
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:07,307
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

444
00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:11,378
All three of those places
are this booth!

445
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,715
That's right.

446
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,584
Sophie kachinsky...

447
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,752
He's proposing at the diner?

448
00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:23,256
What's he gonna do?
Put an onion ring on it?

449
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:27,594
[Inhales sharply]

450
00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:29,896
Oh...

451
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:32,799
I love that.

452
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:41,040
You know, I was planning on
saying no

453
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:45,345
and making you beg
for a few hours...

454
00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:47,647
I just love you too much.

455
00:20:52,385 --> 00:20:57,357
Aw, that's so
not as gross as normal.

456
00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:06,766
Now it is.

457
00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:10,937
[Cash register bell dings]